I know that this is supposed to be my thanfulness post, but there are other things that need to be addressed as well. It is amazing how many emotions one person can go through in one day. I began the day bright and early to finish my final project for today, then got everyone up and ready for their dentist appointment. The appointment went about as well as anticipated: Donovan and Adelin did great; Giovanni, not so much. I did find out that Donovan has his first loose tooth, so it was a little emotional for me as well.
After the dentist, we dropped Donovan off at school, then went home and I got my project together for class. At one point in time, the TV was on one of the spanish stations and I noticed they were showing some building of some sort in Connecticut. I couldn't tell what had happened, but didn't pay it much attention and finished getting ready. It wasn't until right before I left, that I got on Facebook and read everyone's posts and discovered what had happened. I couldn't believe it, and actually burst into tears more than once on the drive to school.
I was able to push the thoughts out of my head for the majority of classtime, and on the ride home I called and talked to my mom for a few minutes to tell her about the dentist appointment and talk about how Donovan has been doing in school. We briefly talked about what had happened, but soon hung up after telling each other "I love you".
The next hour or so was still pretty emotional for me. All I could think about was those poor children, and how Donovan was sitting in his own kindergarten class at the same time. While you never think something like that would happen to people you love, the events of today showed me that anything can happen at anytime. I kept thinking, "Expect the best, but plan for the worst". I wondered if the teacher had discussed with the class what to do in a situation like that. It's a difficult subject to bring up with five-year olds, but the events of today showed that it is an important one.
As I went to pick up Donovan, and walked onto his school grounds, I couldn't help but notice all the kids and how innocent and oblivious they were to the horrible things that had happened to other kids just like them. It was all I could do not to cry as I walked down the sidewalk. As I neared the area where I pick up Donovan, I could see him lining up. I know that he always scans the crowd looking for me, and as I walked up he turned and spotted me and yelled, "Mommy!" and came running over to the gate to be excused. It was almost too much for me to take seeing him so excited, and as he came out, I bent down so I was even with him and gave him a great big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and told him how much I loved him. He was telling me what a good day he had at school, and then we stopped to tie his shoe before heading home.
I held his hand for most of the way to the van, and for some reason, today he didn't seem to mind. Usually he lets go of my hand as soon as we cross the street, but today he held on for longer than usual. When we got to the van I asked him if his teacher had told him what to do if someone bad comes to the school. He was confused about what I meant and said they were supposed to tell her if someone was bad or hurting someone. I said, "No, what do you do if there is an emergency?" He replied that they go outside when the alarm goes off.
So, I told him that there was a school a long way from us, that had a very bad person go and hurt a lot of people, and I wanted to know if his teacher had told them what to do if that happened. He said no, so I told him that if someone bad comes to their school and wants to hurt people, he needs to listen to his teacher, find a place to hide, and be really quiet. Then he needs to wait until either his teacher or a police officer finds him and says it's ok to come out. Of course, my little hero said he would just kick the bad guy, so I had to explain that this bad guy came into the school with guns and hurt some kids really bad. I said I liked how he wanted to stop the bad guy and save everyone, but if someone has a gun he wouldn't be able to just kick him or throw something at him. Plus the guy would probably be bigger and stronger than him. I told him again that he needed to hide, and be really, really quiet - as quiet as he could possibly be, because if the bad guy was looking for people to hurt, I didn't want him to be able to find Donovan.
We talked a little bit more, and I cried and Donovan laughed at me for crying :) - but I told him I was crying because if someone ever hurt him like the guy hurt the kids at the other school, I would be very, very sad, so I wanted him to do whatever he needed to do to be safe. He seemed to understand, and we discussed it some more on the way home.
My heart breaks so much for the families who lost people today. As the mother of a kindergartner, I think today really hit me hard. I thought of Donovan and his classmates sitting in their room, learning, playing, being innocent five-year olds, and then to have to deal with something like this is horrible. The innocence that was shattered today, the senselessness of going after young children, knowing that I never know if someone will do this to people I love. I think of my baby boy sitting in his portable classroom at school, I think of his teacher and I think about what would have happened if that man or someone like him came into his school. It breaks my heart, but drives home so much the fact that we truly never know if or when something like this will happen.
My heart breaks for all of those parents who lost their precious babies today. I cannot imagine the amount of anguish and grief they are going through right now, and I doubt if they will ever be the same again. I pray that God is able to grant the grieving families at least some peace, I hope that we can rally together as a nation and as parents and do what we can to support these people and let them know that they are not alone.
I hope and pray that I will never take my family, my babies for granted. I hope that no matter what, I am able to see their beautifulness, to look at their perfect faces and remember to take the time to cherish them. Because even if we don't have to go through a tragedy, they are going to grow up so fast, and these days with them I will never get back again.
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