New Year's Resolutions

I know it's not even Christmas yet, but I am already thinking of my new year's resolutions. I have been dealing with a lot of issues this holiday season. Most of them having to do with money - or my lack thereof. It has been a struggle, but it's all for a good cause. I haven't worked much since my baby girl was born in April. Mostly it's because I have been going to school full-time, and when you factor in school, kids, and a job - there's not much time for everything. So, working full-time was the one that had to give. I do, however have a part-part-time job at an after school program, which I love, but because of the sparse hours, it means not much money. So, this Christmas season I have been especially aware of how little we have by way of finances. There was a point a few weeks ago when I didn't think my husband and I would be able to buy any presents for our kids. We did come into some extra cash, and were able to pick up some things for them. So, no worries.

But I digress. Due to the lack of money, I've been thinking a lot about how distorted our views on Christmas has become. I of course want my kids to have whatever their little hearts desire, but I also want to instill in them a sense of giving and wonder at the real meaning behind this holiday. I know they are still very young, probably too young to understand that there are little kids who have much less than they do and are lucky to have enough to eat, let alone toys to play with. I, on the other hand, am plenty old enough to realize how lucky I really am. Sure, I don't have pretty new clothes, the ability to take long trips, or even a house of my own. I DO however have plenty of nice clothes - even if they are a few years old; three vehicles to drive my family around in - even if one of them is 16 years old; and wonderful in-laws who have opened their home to us while we try to save money for our own place.

This brings me to my resolutions. On top of the usual losing weight, and maintaining a budget - blah, blah, blah - I have decided that instead of dwelling on what I don't have, I need to start focusing on what I do have. Oftentimes I get discouraged and envious and wish I had the ability to go out and buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I find though, that when I focus on only money, I lose sight of all the wonderful blessings I have every single day of my life. So, I am resolving to find one thing every single day to be thankful for. Some days it does seem daunting to come up with 365 different things to be grateful for. But, I think that when I start I will be pleasantly surprised at what God has blessed me with. Plus, by focusing on what I have, and not what I don't have I can learn to carry a grateful heart through every aspect of my life. And a thankful heart is a happy heart. I hope that by having a thankful heart I can teach my kids to have thankful hearts as well. By instilling a sense of gratitude in them now, they can carry that throughout their lives and hopefully never take for granted every single blessing God brings to them. And that is something that will mean much more than anything I could ever buy them.

So I May Be a Blessing

I've been trying to put into words all the thoughts I have been having recently, and the things that God has been laying on my heart. I don't know if I am becoming more sensitive to the plights of others because I am a mother now, or if I have reached a point of maturity where I feel the need to reach beyond myself. Don't get me wrong, I have always cared about other people, and wanted to help, but it seems like this past year certain issues have been weighing much more heavily on my heart.

Earlier this year, my pastor began speaking about human trafficking and the problem of slavery. Our church has been working closely with the International Justice Mission to raise awareness in the U.S. of the problem, and to push our politicians to continue legislation and funding to help. I remember the first time it was brought up at church and the pastor mentioned that the Pacific Northwest has the highest rate of human trafficking in the nation, I had tears running down my face as I thought of my children and how horrible it must be for the parents of those who are lost. God planted a seed in my heart that day.

After Adelin was born, we didn't go to church for awhile and even though the subject was still on my heart, I hadn't taken any further steps in the area. I was very surprised when my sister, Amanda, posted on her FB page about the problem of human trafficking and modern-day slavery. It was kind of a kick in the pants, and I actually felt very humble that God had chosen to lay the same subject on both of our hearts at the same time. Not long after that, I saw that my church was going to have a screening of a movie produced by IJM, and I figured it was time to return. That Sunday, one of the national leaders of IJM was the speaker, and again I was brought to tears. Especially about the story of the three girls - two were 11 yrs and one was 13 - who where forced to work in a brothel. IJM worked with the local police in the Philippines to rescue the girls and arrest their "owners." One girl is working to become an interpreter, one wants to help counsel other girls, and the third was resold by her mother and has since disappeared. It broke my heart to hear of that poor girl betrayed by her own mother and it made me think of my own children, and how blessed I am to have them.

It seems that we tend to get so wrapped up in our day to day lives that we forget the horrors that are happening all around us. I know that I am guilty of worrying about my own petty problems that I forget that there are millions of people who are much worse off than I am. We don't have much money, and we live paycheck to paycheck, but we still have working cars, a roof over our heads, and family members who love and take care of us. I also know that I am guilty of squandering and being wasteful of what I do have and I have been asking God to help me become a better steward of our resources and money. However, my concern is not just for myself anymore.

I have been guilty of being selfish and materialistic and these past few months God has been opening my eyes and softening my heart. I still hope for financial security, but many of my motives are different. Pastor often talks about asking for blessings so that we may bless others and that has become very important to me. Often I feel lost because I don't know exactly what I can do, but I can spread the word and raise awareness. I can ask others to think about the people being bought and sold every day - the 14 yr old boy who has been working in a brick factory for 7 years, 12-14 hours a day; the 11 yr old girl who is forced to do unspeakable things with men; the parents who work along side their children knowing that they will never be able to provide them with a better life. Yes, I want a house, a savings account, the ability to buy nice things for my children, financial security, but I also want to have the means to help those around me. So, I will continue to open my heart to God and allow Him to work through me, and I will ask for blessings so that I may be a blessing.

Mother's Day

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, and I figured today was as good a day as any to sit and write something. Our newest addition to the family is just over a week old, and already she has stolen the hearts of the entire family. Little Adelin came into this family on April 29th and I am amazed at how well both of her brothers have accepted her. Donovan has been protective of her since the first time he met her, and always wants to hold her and is very concerned if he doesn't know where she is. Giovanni I was a little concerned about because he is momma's boy and I didn't know how well he would handle having to share. However, after seeming only mildly curious at first, he too is a great big brother. He is so gentle with her and is very concerned when she cries. The first night home, he would start crying whenever Adelin did. It was very sweet, but I'm glad that didn't last long.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am with the amazing little family that I have. My boys are both so smart and rambunctious, but they are so loving and sweet. I really cannot believe how fast they are growing up and sometimes it is intimidating that I am responsible for their upbringing and their outlook on the world around them. Now, I have a daughter that I am also responsible for, and as a girl I know the rocky roads that are ahead of us. However, I know I have the best help around with my husband. He has been so amazing with our children, and especially recently, he has been taking the night shift with Adelin so I can try to get some sleep. He is exhausted, but it is wonderful to know how much this little girl means to him, and I know that we are all in good hands with him. He always works so hard for us and I am so proud of him all the time. Things might not always be smooth sailing, but I know that I can count on him to be a good husband and father always.

I really don't know what I did to deserve the amazing little family that I have, and I don't know what it is I'm doing to help my children become the amazing little people that they are. But I am eternally grateful, and hope that they always know how much I love them. I know that in the blink of an eye they will all be grown and gone, and I hope that I stop to take the time with each of them now to show them how thankful I am that they chose me to be their mom. Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful children who allowed me the opportunity to be their mother and to be a part of their lives always.

I love you so much Donovan, Giovanni, and Adelin. I will always try my best to be the kind of mom that you deserve.

I love you Alfredo. Thank you for being my partner on this journey and helping me to be the best wife and mother I can be.